What are the actual facts? What really happened in the past? The famous duet, “I Remember It Well”, sung by Maurice Chevalier and Hermione Gingold in the movie, Gigi is a perfect example of how subjective memory can be. In that song, an elderly couple reminisce about the details of the night they met. In essence, they cannot agree on anything – the color of the gown she wore, whether the moon was shining or not, what day of the week it was, etc. The last lines of the song, the “take-away”, is that the feeling of falling in love, of still being in love, is the dominant emotion. All the rest, in the bigger picture, is relatively inconsequential.
Read more

When you look at where it is coming from you will be able to let go more easily!

In order to understand the emotion of fear, we also have to understand how it shows up in our physical body. Let’s be clear here, fear is of the ego, the personality not the soul. The Soul and it’s feelings or emotions only come from the energy of Love, empathy, caring and understanding so if you can look at fear as that of the human mind or the ego, and not the soul, that is the 1st place to start. 
Read more

Stories Morph Over Time

Can we re-write a piece of our history?  What could the benefit of doing so be?

Exercises:

  1. Can you take one of the problematic stories from your life and change it in some significant way so that it brings you to a different outcome?
  2. Tell someone a story from your life when you were inspired by someone you thought of as a role model.  Where did the power of their inspiration actually come from?

 

Re-framing is About Perspective

How we choose to look at things is subjective.  We don’t know the full extent of a story, usually, until well after it has taken place.  That’s where wisdom comes from.

Exercise:

How could you re-frame a story from your life to arrive at a different understanding of whether it was “good” or “bad?”

Problem Stories

Non-accountability stories excuse people from responsibility for their actions.  When we tell these stories, we disempower ourselves.  Reflecting honestly on these stories from your life and re-telling the story in an accountable way can help you move forward and create new and different outcomes.

Exercises:

Write down your thoughts about these questions, or talk with someone you trust about them.

  1. Identify a time when you made a bad decision, felt invalidated, or tried something but did not succeed.
  2. What different path could you take that is a significant departure from a story you tell about yourself?

 

What’s the Difference Between Story and Narrative?

It’s simple, but important to know this.  And when we start assessing our life stories based on whether they are stories or narratives, we get a much better understanding of the power they have.

Exercise:

As you think about an important story from your life, how could you change one element of that story to make it less about blame and more about validation?

How You Experience a Story Matters

Generally speaking, people have a favorite sensory channel.  We call this your representational system.

Understanding your representational system will help you become empowered to create changes to your life story so that you can get more out of it.

 

Imagine four different scenarios in which you are asked, “Tell me about yourself”. First is a job interview; the second, striking up a conversation with someone you will sit next to for a six-hour plane ride; the third, a first date; and the fourth, meeting a long-lost recently rediscovered cousin. How do we pick which personal narrative to “feature”? Is there a commonality – a “go-to” theme which occurs in all of them, or are they radically different?
Read more

The concept of gathering in a circle for community has been around for ever. Tribal cultures would sit around the counsel fire, large families around the banquet table, corporate honchos around the board table. Alright, sometimes the circle becomes a square or a rectangle. But still, it’s that same idea. Circles are particularly potent, because not only is everyone facing everyone else, but no one is sitting at the head of the table! Everyone in a circle is equal – equidistant from the center.
Read more