As you probably already know, family time can be like a giant roller coaster ride because interpersonal relationships are one of the most complex components of our lives. It is also a rare experience, instead of the norm, to be taught how to effectively communicate our thoughts, feelings and our needs.
Think about it, when you meet someone going through a divorce, you aren’t actually meeting them. You are meeting their stressed out, wounded self. Twenty years ago, I was living in a failing marriage. I realized even though I truly loved this man, our weaknesses clashed. To top it off we had all the major stressors – moving seven times, losing jobs, businesses, not enough income, which translated into needs not being met, egos clashing, fears escalating, self-worth dissolving, screaming, blaming shaming and name calling. It was awful for sure. We spent a lot of time together too. Divorce did occur but right now I want to focus on helping you NOT go down that path.
If you (or your partner) are experiencing strong emotions, even acting out, realize this isn’t the real you. This is the stressed out you. You might be getting emotionally triggered by your family or friends because your fight or flight (stress response) is turned on and staying on. And because the wounds of the past are surfacing.
Feeling supported is crucial for your wellbeing and for your ability to respond resourcefully to current events. Chemicals, either feel good or stress chemicals, are continuously being manufactured and released into your body. Not as a result of the current events but as a result of what you think, feel and believe about these events.
Feeling supported comes from within. This is not a cliché but a reality. You have 60,000 thoughts every day. Your thoughts create feelings. You must believe in yourself. You must be kind to yourself. And you must use your 60,000 thoughts a day to support your wellbeing.
It might be necessary to constantly remind yourself,
“I will get through this.
I will be ok.
I will figure this out.
I am resourceful.”
You also need to be okay with the fact that you have to keep reminding yourself. If you have worked on yourself with a professional hypnotherapist, counselor or coach and healed your history (your wounds from your past) being compassionate, understanding and kind to self and others becomes so much easier.
How can you consistently be more kind, compassionate and understanding to yourself and others?
- Notice when you are in a negative state (emotion) or a mood.
- Make a commitment or intention to get out of that negative state.
- Start by asking yourself resourceful questions.
- What do I have to believe in order to feel this way?
- What can I learn from this?
- What can I do about this?
- Listen to the answers with compassion, understanding and kindness. DO NOT JUDGE. OBSERVE
- Discover what you COULD feel grateful for – little and big things. (Write them down daily)
- Put on your compassionate ‘hat’ when you are actively listening.
- Work on your issues! Hire a coach or a hypnotist to assist you. This is not something that’s easy for anyone to accomplish on their own. It’s so much faster and easier when someone smart and caring is in your corner, having your back and guiding you to redesigning yourself and your life. Doing the deeper work puts you back in control over your thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions.
Curious? Ready to be supported and be on a better path? Check out my profile and feel free to connect.